Authentically You

Why Questions are Key to Spiritual Growth

Have you ever seen something that an otherwise good person said or did and thought, “Wait, what? That was wrong. Wasn’t it?” It happened to one of our sisters, a Franciscan Sister of the Sacred Heart in Frankfort, IL, who reflected on the story of her dad, who would not allow her to join the Girl Scouts when she was young because the group met in the basement of a Protestant church, rather than a Catholic church. That was 70 years ago. She knew her dad loved her. She knew he loved God and that his faith was important to him, but she questioned things like this. She doubted. Was her dad right to forbid her from “mixing” with people of another faith—from even gathering for non-religious reasons in the basement of a church of another denomination? As she grew in her relationship with God, she came to understand that her dad, though he meant well, did not know the heart of God when it came to questions like this. His faith formation (spiritual growth and discernment) stalled and stopped where it began, as a child, mired in rules of which some were manmade. God’s full message of love never reached him.

What Faith Is… and Isn’t

So here is what Sister wants others to know. We learn about God and religion, but faith is personal and cannot be imposed. The rules and customs within a religion are not the whole of faith. Following them can be born out of an inherited belief or even fear, and these may be accepted, but this is not faith. Still, a seed of faith may be contained in another’s experience and passed along to you with love. What you learn about the religion that your seed of faith is based upon can foster your desire for what true faith is: a relationship with God. Out of that relationship—or lack of it—along with the influences around us, we will form (or malform) our attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors. That is our spirituality, but not our religion.

The Beauty and the Failures of “Church”

Religion provides context, guidance, structure, and a community of people with similar beliefs to share the faith journey. Religion is there to encourage, serve, teach, and admonish one another along the way, and when true to its purpose, helps people to grow and remain in right relationship with God, the Earth and other people. Still, it is our personal relationship with God and the inner compass it uncovers that can help us be discerning and protect us against people, systems, or ideologies that either misunderstand or misuse religion for their own purposes rather than to serve and glorify God. A community, religious or not, is human, and humans and their lives can be messy… or just plain messed up. A community of believers is not God, but the people collectively are the Church—individuals coming together to follow God as one people. Given human nature, though, individuals and sometimes even leaders, will err, stray or betray in small ways or in big and even horrifying ways. But their failures are not God’s failures. They are human failures.

The Choice that Makes All the Difference

So Sister urges you to foster your personal relationship with God—your faith—with the spirituality that most speaks to you, and live in peace with others. Religion may or may not precede, accompany, or follow it. Why? We have choices:

1. When it comes the religion we grew up with, we can believe it all, and never ask questions--never seek anything more.
2. We can reject some of what we grew up with, hold on to a few values that resonate with us, but never go deeper.
3. We can seek out the religion or a set of beliefs that "fits" what we have experienced or perhaps one that is different, to make it our own, or choose what is opposite of what we had, if our experiences were negative.
4. We can reject it all and walk away and refuse to ever explore faith on our own because of our disillusionment, indifference, anger or pain.
5. Or we can question what doesn't sit right and seek and engage and challenge our beliefs and ways of expressing those beliefs... and find the way that helps us keep learning, keep growing in the faith or the spirituality (not necessarily a religion) that we choose.

Sister sought the latter. Ultimately, she chose Catholicism for herself and embraced Franciscan spirituality, as St. Francis of Assisi is known for his warmth and hospitality for those of all races and religions. She chose to keep seeking and learning more about the nature of God and deepen her relationship with him. That is perhaps a person’s biggest choice, whether you claim a particular religion as yours or not: Will you explore, question, and keep going deeper?

The Conversation that Matters Most

Ever since she was young, Sister has started conversations with this God, who is—and whose followers are still—so misunderstood or feared or reviled by so many around the world because of human failures in their seeking and understanding God or because of the wrongs committed by people in the name of religion or under its guise. Sister’s focus was and is on her relationship with God, and out of that she discerned with whom to practice and share her faith, choosing a community of believers, of sisters on the path of living out their faith in the footsteps of Saints Francis and Clare of Assisi. She learned from God and those who earnestly seek relationship with him what is good and what is right. She came to know that God isn't going to ask her when she dies, "Are you Catholic? Are you Protestant? Are you Jewish? Are you Muslim?..." He will ask instead, "Did you love all my children? Everyone?"

Sister loves her dad, and she cherishes the seed of faith he planted within her. She merely decided to find and pull the weeds he mistakenly sowed with the seed. She tended the garden, and God gave it light.

"This is what I know,” she said. “We are his children, and we are all brothers and sisters to each other."

Image by Elisa from Pixabay

The Power of Conversation

Texting can be great, until it's not. It was never meant for full, serious conversations, but wow, it's definitely being used that way when face-to-face isn't comfortable or convenient. It's easy to get sucked into it. So have you ever gotten it wrong? The tone you were trying to get across? The joke you were trying to make? Or have you ever been angry or worried about a relationship after you read a text from someone about another person who is important to you? We can create a whole new story in our heads about that other person which may or may not be accurate. The information was second-hand and the source may not be entirely reliable, even if they had good intentions. Bottom line, it takes a real, in-person conversation with that third person to either debunk the myths or work it out between you.

Isn't that what we do sometimes with God? What we "know" can be second-hand--from the faith we inherited but haven't fully explored, experienced and chosen for ourselves, or from the attitudes and anger handed to us by people without any real faith or relationship with God at all. You can't really understand someone you never spend time with. So anger is easy. Often one person blows up and suddenly the conversation is over, or one angry person just shuts down--refuses to talk--and there's no conversation at all. Simple. Anger can pretty much equal avoidance, hiding what the person is really feeling--and really needing to discuss. They make it about something else. This also prevents a full hearing of what the other person is feeling and needs to discuss. Yep. It's conversation that's hard. It's listening that's hard. It's waiting our turn that's hard. It's expressing ourselves genuinely and respectfully that's hard. So do we ever shut God down? Do we avoid the hard conversations, not letting God say what needs to be heard? Do we avoid being honest about our own feelings? Maybe it's time to check in with God. Make it about just you and God. Not about religion. Not about what someone else feels or thinks or wants. What do you need to talk about? What answers are you looking for? Is the conversation long overdue?